sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
