I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
