you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
