He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
