She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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