His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
