I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i dont even know how to be here
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
