Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You pole danced in your parka.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
