Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
