singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
