did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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