dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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