The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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