Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
