i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
