I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
