Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
