sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
