I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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