I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
operation have a gay friend backfired
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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