He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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