WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
