Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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