To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
