at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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