So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
