Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
