Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Watching her eat just hurts me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
