These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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