My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Houston, we have a squirter
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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