I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
