My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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