video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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