a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
