You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
