it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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