We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
