Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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