Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
