remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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