Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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