Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize