UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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