Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
