Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
