My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
