No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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