A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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