I feel like I'm in dance class right now
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
