Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
